ANOTHER EXCERPT FROM THE SOON TO BE RELEASED NOVEL,'WE ARE MARTIAN.'

It was then that the Spaceman punched me on the arm,

“Relax Drew, I was just throwing an electro-magnetic spanner in your propulsion systems, feel free to laugh if you like.”

I didn’t. I had never met such a strange Spaceman before in my life, although to be perfectly honest I had never actually met a real Spaceman before. I’d met human Spacemen on my home planet, like Neil Armstrong a few times and ‘Buzz’ Aldrin a few more times when I was in Astronaut training. They were extremely personable, friendly and down-to Earth blokes, quite extraordinary when you consider that they had not only been the first men to fly to the moon and back, but also to walk upon it.

 Gorad was the first Spaceman I had ever met that was actually from another Planet, but I couldn’t help wondering what Planet this Spaceman was from and what percentage of the population walked around on it wearing Straight-Jackets!

We reached the buggy and I was surprised to find that Nick had not only not moved or acknowledged our presence with a smartarse comment but I thought I heard a slight snore over the com. channel. I leaned over and checked his oxygen regulator and found to my horror that the pressure was significantly lower than it should be. I was checking his tank to make sure that the oxygen feed valve was fully open when Gorad asked,

“Is there a problem?”

“His oxygen regulator is mal functioning, he’s not getting enough oxygen!”

“Oh I wouldn’t worry too much about it, they do malfunction sometimes.”

He then leaned forward, tapped the offending regulator and I watched in amazement as the digital readout started to climb back towards the green zone. After a few seconds Nick stirred then groaned, and I think farted judging by the sound I heard over the com. I raced around and jumped into the driver’s seat as Gorad climbed into the back, but instead of settling gently back into the backseat he was thrown into the backseat as I pointed the buggy towards the city and launched it at ‘full speed ahead’.

“You can slow down if you want, Drew. Your friend isn’t in any danger, except from your driving, that is. It seems rather pointless bouncing around the Martian landscape at great speed then constantly having to back track to pick up the passengers that have been flung out, don’t you think?”

I glanced back at the Spaceman in the rear view mirror as I eased off on the throttle. He was sitting calmly and completely at ease in the back seat.

“What the Hell is going on Drew?”

I glanced over at Nick,

“Your Oxygen regulator mal-functioned but Gorad fixed it.”

“Oh right. Who the Hell is Gorad?”

“He’s the Spaceman that fell out of the sky.”

AN EXCERPT FROM THE SOON TO BE PUBLISHED BOOK,'WE ARE MARTIAN'.

Nick and I were bouncing and jouncing across the landscape of Mars in a buggy one fine Martian morning when I glanced up at the sky while waiting for my ass to recontact my driver’s seat after a particularly high bounce (or it may have been a jounce). I slammed on the brakes and brought the buggy to a skidding, dusty halt as I continued to stare at the object that had caught my attention up there. Nick straightened up in his seat and twisted around to look at me,

“Why the Fuck did you do that?”

With my eyes still firmly fixed on the object in the Martian sky I raised my right arm and pointed up at it as I replied,

“That’s something you don’t see every day!”

Nick twisted and leaned back slightly so his gaze could follow the direction of my pointing finger,

“Why the Fuck is there a Spaceman falling out of the sky towards us?”

“That is a very good question and I wish I had a very good answer to it but the fact that I’m not the only one who sees it means that I’m not suffering from Martian madness!”

“I wouldn’t be too quick to leap to that conclusion if I were you.” Nick replied.

I put the buggy into reverse and backed up 50 metres to ensure that the Spaceman didn’t land on us, then pulled on the handbrake and shut off the engine as I didn’t think we would be going anywhere for a while. I suspected that even at this distance from the Spaceman’s predicted ‘Impact Zone’ I may still have to clean bits of Spaceman off my windscreen so I could see where I was going.

Nick and I were sitting silently watching as the Spaceman plummeted towards the ground when the Spaceman suddenly exploded into flames. The fireball that used to be the Spaceman streaked through the sky like a comet until I noticed its rate of descent was rapidly slowing as it neared the ground then suddenly stopped falling and hovered two metres above the ground for a brief moment before gently touching down on the Martian surface in a huge cloud of billowing red dust. The flames died out and the Martian dust settled gradually revealing to us the figure of the Spaceman standing firmly on the ground with legs apart, hands on hips and smoke rising from his suit as he faced us.

I glanced to my left and saw Nick surreptitiously remove his pistol from its holster and rest it on his seat as he flicked off the safety. I released the flap on the holster of my weapon as well as the safety on the pistol before I climbed out of the buggy and walked over to meet the Spaceman, keeping my right hand well clear of my holster so as not to alarm him. He did not move a muscle as I approached him until I was roughly a metre from him when his open right hand shot out towards me,

“Man, it has been a lot of decades since I last did that, I had forgotten how much of a blast it is! Howdy stranger, my name is Gorad, and not in any way related to the legendary Dragon.”

As his extended right hand was empty I took it and shook it,

“Howdy stranger, my name is Drew. You certainly know how to make an entrance, very subtle and low key.”

“Thanks, we don’t use these suits much anymore as the Parasuits are much easier and more comfortable to use, not to mention far less likely to set you on fire. But they don’t have the flash, flair and visual impact that these suits do. You can tell your friend that he can put his pistol away, I am unarmed and mean you no harm or bad Vibes.”

He then released his grip on my hand and waved at Nick sitting in the buggy. Nick responded by raising his hand and waving back. To my horror I saw that he was waving back while still holding his pistol in his hand. I moved in front of Gorad and moved my hand in a cutting motion at Nick. He stopped waving the gun about, looked up at it in his raised right hand then threw it onto the back seat. Surprised that it didn’t go off with the impact I turned slowly back to face Gorad,

“Sorry about that! He’s not the brightest star in the firmament, or anywhere else in the whole damn Universe for that matter!”

“Not a problem, every space crew has at least one loose cannon. So take me to your Leader then.”

“He IS our Leader...........! Sorry, just joking. We don’t actually have a leader. We work together as one for the good of us all, not to mention survival. But I can take you to our city and offer you sustenance.”

“I have no idea what sustenance is but by all means let’s do that.”

As we walked towards the buggy I explained to Gorad what sustenance was,

“Oh right, food and drink. Why didn’t you just say food and drink? It would have been much easier to say and understand and would have saved a lot of precious oxygen.”

“I don’t know. I think I had a reason at the time but I don’t remember what it was

STAY TUNED!

There will appear excerpts from the soon to be released 'We are Martian.', in this space from time to time.
Cheers.

THE LAST FEW PAGES OF 'REACH FOR MARS' THAT WILL BE SHOWN HERE.

I am writing this two and a half years since we returned to Mars with the crew from the space station. It has certainly been a very eventful, challenging, and satisfying time here on Mars.

We all worked together as an extremely effective crew and soon developed a highly productive and well-organized working routine. So much so that some long and tedious jobs that needed to be done were polished off in a surprisingly short time.

No one in our crew worked harder (or could have worked harder) than Grizzly. He had the strength of an ox, as his stature would imply. If we had asked him to pull a plow across all the plots in the terrarium, I believe he could have and would have, but we didn’t of course. He and I were both toiling in the terrarium one day and Grizzly took his sweat-sodden shirt off and laid it on the lid of the composting structure to dry off. Then he continued working. He looked like the Incredible Hulk, but much hairier and not at all green, and he didn’t roar quite as much. I once jokingly said to Nick that if we wanted to move the Albatross across the taxiway to the other side of the hangar and couldn’t be bothered to go through the rigmarole of firing up the engines, we could ask Grizzly to pick it up and move it for us. Nick’s reply, after removing the expletives, was roughly,

“Good luck finding someone to bet against you!”

First, we concentrated on getting the terrarium filled with plants and animals, and I am very happy to report we had great success. Some of the seeds we’d brought with us failed to germinate, but the bulk of them didn’t fail, and with pollination, propagation, and determination, more than half of the terrarium is now filled with healthy fruit trees, other trees, shrubs, and vegetables. It looks, in short, like a jungle up there, but a relatively orderly one.

And so that's all folks. To find out what happens in the rest of the book you will have to buy a copy, which you can do by looking in Amazon for print and kindle copies or go to www.reachformars.com or click on the'buy the book'button top right of this column.

A COUPLE MORE OF THE LAST PAGES OF 'REACH FOR MARS.'

“We were hiding the firearms so nobody could find them.” I told her,

“Why? Who did you think would be looking for them?” she asked,

“No one—it was just a precaution. It’s never a good idea to leave firearms lying about the place you know.” I answered,

“Might I suggest we move this conversation off the street and into your living room?” Nick interjected. So we walked back toward our place with the women following right on our heels.

Meanwhile, Mel continued, “I mean, why didn’t you just leave them locked away on T-2? It seems like they were safe enough there!”

“Yeah, Nick. Why didn’t we? What were you thinking? Look at the trouble you’ve got us into!”

“Well, at least they’re safely stashed away now.”

“Oh, yes indeed, and a third of the crew knows where they are hidden,” I replied.

“They won’t tell anyone.”

“They’ll tell everyone—they’re women. Gossiping is their favorite pastime, you idiot.”

In the heat of our discussion, we had forgotten that they were right behind us, but we were quickly reminded of that fact when we each got thumped in the back by our respective spouses.

“Another fine mess you’ve gotten me into, Stanley!” I said in my best Oliver Hardy voice as we walked into the house.

Nick and I made drinks and took them into the lounge area, handing the girls theirs as we sat down.

“So what is all this with the firearms, where did you get them from?” Sammy asked.

I explained it to her.

“But I don’t understand—they handed them over voluntarily, so why do you feel like you need to hide them?”

“No reason I suppose; it’s just a precaution. Besides, firearms and pressurized aircraft are not a good combination at any time. I thought it best to remove them from the starship. You know what a stickler I am for OH and S protocols.”

“Now why didn’t you come up with that excuse in the first place, Drew?”

“Why didn’t you, Nick?”

“Codswallop! You two really are the biggest clowns I have ever met. Sammy and I were laughing so hard when we saw you two trying to sneak across the lawn in front of these windows without being seen that it slowed us up catching you. You would have attracted the attention of a blind person.”

“Well at least a blind person couldn’t recognize us,” I claimed in our defense.

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that! Who else would it be but you two idiots?”

The conversation went on like that for a while longer until Nick and I were finally able to change the subject to more important issues.

“Sammy, we were amazed at the rate of growth and health of all the plants, crops, and trees in the short time we have been away. What is your secret?” I asked.

“I wish I had one. As Mel has discovered, the Martian soil is high in all the essential nutrients and elements necessary for healthy plant growth, but that doesn’t explain the extremely rapid growth that we’re seeing here. It must have something to do with those three elements that we can’t identify. If we could break down their composition, we could duplicate them.”

“Uh oh, it sounds like the girls are going to talk shop,” Nick said. “Shall we go to the kitchen and chat?”

“Yes, by all means, let’s do.”

“So far, so good—the combined crews seem to work very well together,” Nick said as we entered the kitchen.

“I would definitely say so. It would have taken our crew at least three weeks to accomplish what the combined crew did in less than six days. I can see us racing forward in leaps and bounds from now on,” I replied.

“In all seriousness, as you have spent eighteen days with them on the return journey from Earth and therefore know them far better than I do—do you feel any reservations about trusting them totally?”

“No, I don’t. They are still very traumatized by all that they have been through over the past months, but they are good people. We can trust them totally. Also, let’s not forget that we saved them from certain death. Presumably that would score us quite a few brownie points with them. And then there’s the fact that we will all be working toward the same goal: survival.”

ONE OR TWO MORE PAGES FROM THE BOOK:- 'REACH FOR MARS.'

I looked at Nick with a cocked eyebrow as if he had lost his mind. This was nothing new of course; I almost always looked at him like that. Then I realized Nick was right. It had also been bothering me since I’d met Grizzly. His mannerisms, the way he walked and talked, and his viewpoint on things. He had constantly reminded me of someone I had known in the past but I could not put my finger on.

“Bloody hell—you’re right! He’s a huge, hairy Holly!”

We then got up and walked across the hangar to T-2 to pick up the carryalls. After grabbing them out of the locker, Nick said,

“I wonder where one hides an arsenal of arms where other people won’t find them, especially on a Martian outpost.”

“How should I know? I’m not a Martian terrorist.”

“Well I know it was a waste of my time trying to hide my stash of rum. Your girlfriend always found it.”

“Yeah, but she won’t be looking for firearms.”

“Are you sure about that? She does get quite angry with you sometimes. Not that anyone can blame her for that of course,” Nick said.

“I know: why don’t we hide them in the empty house next door to my house? No one would have any reason to go in there.”

“OK, why not? It’s as good a place as any. Let’s go.”

We left T-2 and walked back for our buggies. We drove over to my place and parked in the driveway. As we climbed out of the buggies, we looked around to see if anyone was nearby, but aside from us the street appeared empty. We carried the bags nonchalantly over to the empty house, and Nick casually kept watch while I worked the blue panel to open the door, and then we casually dived in as I touched the blue panel inside to close the door. We both breathed a sigh of relief as the door clicked closed.

“No worries. That was easily done. Now the question is where to hide them,” I said.

“Let’s hide them in the bottom of the dining cabinet.”

“Yeah, OK.”

I stood up as the cabinet door slid shut.

“Well that’s that then. How about we stop in at my place for a well-earned drink?” I said.

“Good idea. Let’s go.”

“OK, I’ll just check and see if the coast is clear.”

I opened the shutter over one of the front windows and surveyed the street. Satisfied that it was empty, I closed it again and we walked out onto the porch. As the door slid shut, I heard a voice behind me.

“What are you two up to now?”

Nick and I leaped so high into the air we almost hit our heads on the porch roof. We deftly turned in midair as we dropped back to the floor and landed. Mel and Sammy were leaning against the wall with their arms folded.

“Whatever you do, don’t show fear!” I whispered to Nick.

“Yeah, right back at you, mate!” he replied.

“We weren’t doing anything—just checking out the empty houses,” I explained. (Yeah, I know, it also sounded idiotic to me as I said it! If I’d had an ounce of sense I would have hidden them in a house on an empty level where there was no likelihood of anybody being around to see us.)

“Codswallop! You were furtively fast-walking across our front lawn with your heads spinning from side to side making sure you weren’t seen going into this house. You were, in fact, acting like two schoolkids up to no good who are scared you’ll be spotted.”